Stage Plays by Ian Hornby
Where
There's a Will...
"Black" Farce - single set - 4m 4f or 3m 5f
Synopsis
The play opens amid a lengthy blazing row between Linda and husband Derek. Linda accuses him (quite rightly) of being unfaithful, but during the row it transpires that the other woman is Linda's younger sister. Derek is unaware that Linda is also having an affair - with Derek's younger brother! Each avows revenge, and as the result of a series of bungled murder attempts the bodies fall thick and fast. The vicar is the first to go, if only they can get rid of that annoying body - and his bike! Despite their attempts to dispose of one another, Linda and Derek survive to the close, where, perhaps inevitably, they manage to murder each other.
| Character | Lines |
| Linda |
361 |
| Derek Linda's husband |
446 |
| Mary their housekeeper |
154 |
| Vicar |
23 |
| Colin Derek's brother |
160 |
| Carol Linda's sister |
173 |
| Julie, a friend or Margaret, "maiden aunt" |
24 |
| Peter, a friend or Barbara, "maiden aunt" |
21 |
Author's
notes
Several things spurned this play. Firstly, I wanted to see if I could kill an entire cast without using WMD. Secondly, I had seen so many plays that take an age to get started, which is why the argument that starts this one begins before the tabs open. One inspiration for this play was a scene in a pretty dreadful movie called "A Weekend at Bernie's", which seeded the idea of two of the characters making the most of a dead vicar. It's interesting that every time we've watched this play, the vicar manages to steal the show long after he's dead. And the idea that someone could get rid of a vicar's corpse by strapping him to a roof-rack atop a Porsche sports car still makes me smile.
In May 2010, the Eydon Players, of Northamptonshire won the NODA regional "Best Play" award for their production of "Where There's a Will..." Congratulations to Eydon Players.
