Stage Plays by Ian Hornby

 

Tim'll Fix It
 Farce - single set - 3m 4f
Synopsis
Sara is not very happy when her husband Paul asks his friend Tim - "the handyman from hell" - to help with some electrical work.

Tim would do anything for Sara... Anything! After burst pipes, floods, failed heating, power cuts and other disasters Tim gets his marching orders, but not before he mistakenly finds out Sara's feelings for him are the same as his for her, a fact that does not please Tim's dowdy wife June. Hopelessly in love (well, hopeless, anyway) Tim locks himself away with Sara in their lounge, using his D-I-Y skills to nail up the doors and windows so they can be alone together. Well, alone apart from Sara's dad Frank, that is. Paul, daughter Barbara and Sara's mother Kathleen all attempt to rescue her, but it is the blossoming June who takes control and saves the day... Until they smell gas...

"Do It Yourself Farce" at its best.

The part of Frank stays in his chair throughout the play, so could, if desired, be played by a disabled actor.

Character Lines
Paul the husband

280
Sara Paul's wife

562
Kathleen Sara's mother

22
Frank Sara's father, a "grumpy old man"

89
Barbara Paul's and Sara's daughter

154
Tim a friend, the DIY man from hell

190
June Tim's wife

81

Author's notes
 I think this is my only play that is in any way autobiographical, despite my feelings about "Remember Me".

I have two extremely good friends, Peter and Susan Darby, and over many years have done a few odd jobs for them, along with Peter. Whereas I can normally tackle DIY projects with relative ease, their house was a jinx for me. Peter and I did actually knock a nail through a water pipe, making water spray out from the light fitting below. I did fuse their lights. I did knock a brick out of their wall along with the plaster in the adjoining room. And still they're friends. It was too good an opportunity to miss. The danger of including "real people" in a play is that any time you invent a trait or story about them that is pure invention, they could read it as what you actually think about them. But our friendship has survived that - and they've moved house now anyway.

Of course I use the title of Tim'll Fix It as a passing nod to Jimmy Saville's "Jim'll Fix It" - I just hope people remember that far back.